Starting Over

This past week has probably been the most sane for me since all this bull has happened. I haven't thought about him much, haven't talked to him for about a week. Been keeping myself busy but not really on purpose, just kinda happened. That quote that I had posted by Albert Einstein was magic words for me - made me realize a whole point of view of my situation that i have never thought of before that not only made me feel better, but gave me peace with what is happening.

But now that i am here, a point in my life in which i was in a crossroads, but now i picked the path that's just for me, what do i do? It's hard to start over, especially when i thought that i'd be done with the dating thing because i thought me and him were gonna end up together. Well that didn't happen, not for a long shot, so here i am now. How do you date again? How do you just pick up where u left off and start talking to someone else like nothing had ever happened? I mean, i know i don't have to act that way, but at the same time, it's hard to start something else if you still have what has happened in the back of your mind, in the back of your heart.

No one seems to fit what i had with him. He was perfect for me, my perfect vision of the man i wanted to be with. I guess it's why people say things like utopia are fictional ideas. He was nothing but a idea that will never be achieved. Its hard to believe any of the things he said bout how he still has feelings for me and he wishes it would work except for this and that when he chose being with her then seeing me. he hasn't tried to call me, email me, nothing - not a single attempt. maybe he knew that i wuldn't wanna talk to him. Maybe he knew the decision he made of being with her was final with me and him.

i wonder if he thinks of me. Probably not. he knew it was over when i was still fighting, he just went along with it cuz he knew i needed to try to get it out. He rather not talk to me, he did cuz he knew i wanted to. He didnt really wanna see me, he just brought the idea up cuz he knew i wanted to see him.

You had me fooled Fate, but no longer will that blanket of love blind me from the reality that i need to see.