For the past week, theres been this guy trying to get with me. What happened to him? Let's just say he moved to quick, to fast, no game, too much niceness for comfort, not interesting, admired from afar, and tried way 2 hard. Plus he was 26, he doesnt have all that much time left 2 find a wife and have those kids he's hopin for - cause it sure as hell ain't coming from me!
Where are all the good guys at? The answer is taken or gay (haha). It's like the only single guys r weird, desperate or all around uninteresting. But in this case, its not right to use the saying "beggars can't be choosers". I believe in giving guys a fair shot at a potential thing, but if its really not workin, move on. But it seems like more and more, its hard to give anyone a shot. I don't wanna waste my time cause when i do, i get fucked over or i run into guys like this last one.
It's really hard for me 2 imagine that theres one guy out there for me. I dont wanna settle for just anyone. I've had some good guys in the past, but it just wasn't meant to be, and its ok, they're happy. But where does that leave me? Am i happy? I don't really know anymore to be honest. I have things to be happy about, im healthy (not for long if i keep smoking), i'm in school getting a degree, got my clubs goin on, meeting great people everyday, i generally have a bright future, so what the hell is missing? Someone to share it with. I'm content with doing all this shit on my own, but i wish i had someone to support me, share the happy/sad moments with me, keep my head straight.
What a coincidence that today, which is the day i let that guy go, i was in a completley different state, the great state of Pennsylvania, and why do i happen to pass by a town with my ex's name in it? "fate"sville? wtf is that? i mean a friend told me that things are how u make it, so i just added the connotation to it that its about my ex, but really? why the hell man. A part of me wants to believe that things like these are signs for a future but at the same time, let's be real: i don't even cross his mind. He's livin his own happy life and nowhere does that include me. It's ok. I dunno where or when i'll be just as happy, but hopefully i won't have to wait forever for it 2 happen.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
About Valentine's Day
Oh Valentine's Day aka Single Awareness Day.
I thought today was going to be a terrible Vday. Seeing all the couples together, holding hands in public, kissing, seeing them in the windows of resteraunts having a wonderful time together...i thought i would've wanted to throw stuff at them, especially because i was in the city. Surprisingly, i didn't see much of that today. Yeah, i saw couples, but nothing big, no lovey-dovey stuff. Me and some friends were even at a hookah bar and we saw couples there, and some guy was more interested in our conversation then he was with his date (she didn't look to interested either). And neway, who would bring a date to hookah? lol
Honestly, i was never into the whole Vday deal. i think that any day should be Vday, shouldn't just be one day out of the year that a guy should show their appreciation for their girlfriend, it should be an ongoing thing. BUT, it would be nice if just once, someone made the true effort to make a really special valentine's day for me. I don't need expensive jewelry or a $200 check for dinner. Like a friend of mine said: the more creative it is, the better. Which is true. the more thought someone puts into something is proof of the time they spent just to please you. Hasn't happened for me yet, but hopefully one day someone will care about me enough to go out of their way for me.
I'm not as upset as i thought i would be today. i think what makes me sad is the fact no one thought of me to ask me to be their valentine. i guess for the guys i've been talking to, there's someone else more worth taking out then me; well, what are ya gonna do. i had one person in mind that i really would've loved to go out with, but as i've found out, he must've went out with someone special cause right now he's "very happy and had a great valentine's day". i'm happy that he's happy - he needs someone to keep him smiling.
and it was funny because yesterday, i went to a bible study with a friend (do NOT ask why i went) and we watched a christian/romance movie about a married couple on the verge of divorce. and the husband was the one doing a lot of the fucking up so his father gave him a book that was called the "love dare" and there were 40 pages, one page a day, where the husband had to read it and do what that day told him to do. it was basically for him to treat her better, understand love, and see that God is a part of his life (i know, cheesy). well he became a better man even after the 40 days and his wife came back and they lived happily ever after.
i was tearing up almost the whole movie. the movie hit me hard enough that on fricken facebook i basically put a direct status to my ex that he still had a chance to come back. i know he never saw it. it wouldn't even matter if he did. i got a text really early in the morning but i was too tired to look at it, but i hoped it was him. it wasn't. i changed my status back to something more realistic. its amazing what media does to you, what it makes you believe in. i let my heart get away with me, but now i'm back to the real world. the world of heartbreak, life, constant change, struggles, hard work, and the neverending chase to happiness.
I thought today was going to be a terrible Vday. Seeing all the couples together, holding hands in public, kissing, seeing them in the windows of resteraunts having a wonderful time together...i thought i would've wanted to throw stuff at them, especially because i was in the city. Surprisingly, i didn't see much of that today. Yeah, i saw couples, but nothing big, no lovey-dovey stuff. Me and some friends were even at a hookah bar and we saw couples there, and some guy was more interested in our conversation then he was with his date (she didn't look to interested either). And neway, who would bring a date to hookah? lol
Honestly, i was never into the whole Vday deal. i think that any day should be Vday, shouldn't just be one day out of the year that a guy should show their appreciation for their girlfriend, it should be an ongoing thing. BUT, it would be nice if just once, someone made the true effort to make a really special valentine's day for me. I don't need expensive jewelry or a $200 check for dinner. Like a friend of mine said: the more creative it is, the better. Which is true. the more thought someone puts into something is proof of the time they spent just to please you. Hasn't happened for me yet, but hopefully one day someone will care about me enough to go out of their way for me.
I'm not as upset as i thought i would be today. i think what makes me sad is the fact no one thought of me to ask me to be their valentine. i guess for the guys i've been talking to, there's someone else more worth taking out then me; well, what are ya gonna do. i had one person in mind that i really would've loved to go out with, but as i've found out, he must've went out with someone special cause right now he's "very happy and had a great valentine's day". i'm happy that he's happy - he needs someone to keep him smiling.
and it was funny because yesterday, i went to a bible study with a friend (do NOT ask why i went) and we watched a christian/romance movie about a married couple on the verge of divorce. and the husband was the one doing a lot of the fucking up so his father gave him a book that was called the "love dare" and there were 40 pages, one page a day, where the husband had to read it and do what that day told him to do. it was basically for him to treat her better, understand love, and see that God is a part of his life (i know, cheesy). well he became a better man even after the 40 days and his wife came back and they lived happily ever after.
i was tearing up almost the whole movie. the movie hit me hard enough that on fricken facebook i basically put a direct status to my ex that he still had a chance to come back. i know he never saw it. it wouldn't even matter if he did. i got a text really early in the morning but i was too tired to look at it, but i hoped it was him. it wasn't. i changed my status back to something more realistic. its amazing what media does to you, what it makes you believe in. i let my heart get away with me, but now i'm back to the real world. the world of heartbreak, life, constant change, struggles, hard work, and the neverending chase to happiness.
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