it seems pretty hopeless...

man, so much for starting the new year with a new guy. i know he means well and i know that he's not emotionally available but shit, he's got me trippin over him and theres nothing i can do about it. oh well i guess, the only thing i can do is leave him alone which is hard when i wanna be a friend 2 him still and it feels like he's ignoring me. But, at the same time, i know he has a lot of things on his plate right now and the last thing he needs to worry about is me, but i don't think that nhe understands that i'm just trying 2 b his friend and not all on his ass bout bein in a relationship and bla bla bla. this is prolly what i get for rejecting him years ago - karma is a bitch.

it just seems so hopeless for nething positive from a man. there are no more good men out there. it is soo hard to find someone who actually gives 2 shits about u - like someone who genuinley cares and takes the time for u and makes sure they give u everything u deserve in hope that u'll stick around because they can't afford loosing u because that's how precious u are to them. it is sooo hard 2 find that in someone nemore. regardless of what i've been through and the stuff i say about being alone the rest of my life, i am willing to give up my heart again, but no one wants it. it sucks.

thats why it leads me to believe that maybe i'm not supposed to have anyone in my life. maybe i'm just one of those people who doesn't have the personality 2 get married or b happy with someone. which is funny because a bunch of ex's of mine or someone who liked me but i never gave them a chance tell me that they wish they never let me leave and that whatever guy gets me is really lucky because i'm a great girl and i'm a keeper. but i can't seem to keep anyone that comes in my life! they all leave and either their lives take a turn for the better or they find someone else and those relationships turn out to be the love of their life, the same position that i thought i was for them. i always get dicked over - i'm always disposable. i must be doing something wrong but i don't know what it is yet because i always change what didn't work in the last relationship.

i'm pretty lonely not having a man in my life. i go to sleep wishing i had my man next to me and holding me and falling alseep with his arms around me. i wish i had someone to talk to when i was bored, when something is on my mind, or when i just see something and i wanna tell someone. i want someone to have my back and support me when i'm right and tell me when i'm wrong. i have a wild spirit and i want someone who can tame me and hold me down. no one has stepped up to the plate and stayed for good no matter what i do. it all seems pretty hopeless.