thoughts of ' 08 and hopes for ' 09

It's been a while since i've been on this. basically i want to get some things off my chest for the new year. first of all - 2008 sucked balls. it was probably the worst year i have had in a very long time and nothing positive came out of it. now that we are in 2009, i have some hopes. for one, i quit smoking and i hope i can pull through with that since smoking was the way that i tried to cope with things. it was my outlet for my stress and since that stress isn't quite over yet, i'm hoping that letting this go can allow me to let go of some of the other things that i've been holding on to as well. i also want to be able to let go of my ex. its been hard and i've been stubborn to listening, but there's come a point where i can do no more. i've realized that no matter how much i believed in the love that we had, feelings always change. love isn't always lasting. mistakes are made and for some, they need to run away from it. i'm still kind of blaming myself about what i did wrong to deserve the treatment i get, wtf is it about me that i can't find a guy that can care about me. it seems near impossible. hopefully i'll get over these feelings and let go of him. time is my friend as well as my foe, i just have to ride it out as best as i can. i want to find the strength in me to not let every little thing remind me of him and cry about it - he doesn't deserve my tears.

my hopes for this new year is the general things - do better in school, good health, money, whatever. i also want to find a house this year for school so i can finally move out. i don't want to struggle with money nemore, i want to be able to find a legit job, not fuckin highschool jobs n shit. a goal of mine is to change my attitude towards certain things and people and be a better leader and an all around better person. btu i definaltey want to get along in life without feeling i have to rely on finding love, but at the same time, i want my relationships (especially the one i'm sort of kind of in now), to be progressive and hopefully become something good and healthy for me.

fuck ' 08 and in with the new year!